January 2026's Winner: Terms and Conditions

When the email arrived, I almost deleted it.

SUBJECT: Death Confirmation.

It congratulated me on my recent passing and attached a certificate. Cause: “Administrative Correction.”

There was a link to appeal.

I clicked.

The form asked whether I wished to remain deceased or resume living under revised terms. The revised terms included reduced lifespan, unspecified aches, and a clause about “occasional hauntings.”

I checked the box: Resume.

The confirmation was instant.

My chest convulsed. Air flooded back. Outside, someone screamed.

Later, I checked the mirror.

My reflection lagged a second behind. And when I smiled...

...it didn’t.